Kelly Rose Bradford: Forget holidays, it's normality that reigns

Sep 3 2008 Surrey Herald

I read this week Britons spend 840 days holidaying overseas during their lifetime (during their lifetime? I can only presume holidays for the dead haven't yet caught on or another survey - the cadaver abroad - is imminent) and pay a whopping £39,900 just on their accommodation when doing so.

The research, commissioned by RCI, the world's largest time-share exchange company, in conjunction with Mintel, revealed the average Briton went on two week-long holidays a year, doling out a massive £665 on their accommodation each time. When added up over their holidaying years, it produced the slightly obscene figure of £39,900. Which was something of a shocking revelation to a committed holiday-phobe such as myself.

True, I go away a lot, but on the whole I hate it and can never wait to get home, unless I'm on one of my previously mentioned solitary 'me time' breaks. To me, the ideal holiday is three days long - two of which are spent travelling, plus one frenetic day of sightseeing. Surely enough for anyone? Then it's back on the coach to the airport and home where normality and routine reign supreme.

It's the pressure of being under obligation to enjoy myself that puts me off going away, especially if I am expected to carry out that enjoyment in ridiculous temperatures while laying on a scratchy hotel towel inches from a pool into which 30-stone hirsute Scandinavians are launching themselves.

Where's the fun in that?

I'm all for camping trips, short city breaks, trips to places of historical interest and the like, but the mere notion of seven days - or worse still - a fortnight, lounged out around a pool or staring endlessly at the sea from the confines or a deckchair, while picking sand out of your toes, fills me with complete and utter horror. Especially with the kind of price tags mooted above.

So right now it's of great relief to see the nights drawing in and the endless chatter about holiday destinations coming to an end. Even the piles of postcards spewing through the letter box has waned - thank goodness. There's only so much 'good weather, good food' missives you can cope with before breakfast and even I've tired of muttering "no" at the cheesy 'wish you were here' sign-offs people have started doing in an attempt at retro humour.

But I think as a useful piece of trivia with which to drip feed to youngsters, the results from the poll are indispensable. I am already starting to tell Boy of all the things he will be able to buy with the equivalent of £39,000 if we cease holidays right now, and he spurns them into adulthood too.

Which probably isn't quite the outcome the timeshare-toting survey commissioners had in mind.