Boy meets Girl:Advice from the love doctor

Jul 31 2008 Playing the dating game with Ed Saunt and Vicki Eltis

Ed's Date: My web of love stays tangled

What is it you really want? What do you look for on a night out?

What do you do to have fun with the girls you meet? Why don’t you like the ones who like you?”

I was under the spotlight. My whole ethos – the rules by which I live my life – all being scrutinised in depth by a stranger.

I had never been to see any sort of counsellor/life coach/love guru and, to be honest, I was sceptical.

What could some jumpedup psychobabbler tell me about my life?

However, on meeting Deborah and seeing how she delved so easily into Vicki’s problems, I was prepared to give her a chance.

Her technique, as far as I could make out, was to pepper me with questions  to help bring out answers I might not even know I was thinking.

We had a good chat. We established (again) that I have a problem with girls who give in too easily but there weren’t any startling revelations.

Deborah probed and prodded but despite my discomfort at being asked sex questions in a Chertsey bookshop, we struggled to put a finger on the issues that were burning away at the core of my heart.

We came to the end of the session and my love guru expressed regret we hadn’t got further, citing the limited time available to us. I was putting up barriers, she said.

We were going around in circles but, if we had another pop, we might be able to unpick my tangled web of love.

However, as I told the love doctor, I don’t think we would.

I’m not saying my life’s perfect but, unlike Vicki, I feel completely happy with the way I run my love life at the moment.

Fine, I may not be married within the year but who wants to worry about whether someone is ‘the one’ when you can go out on the smash and pick up girls.

Vicki's date: I expect too much too soon

I’ve learnt something this week and that is I need to slow it down. No wonder I can’t find Mr Right if I am rushing into things.

As we sat talking to Deborah in the café and she asked me many gruelling questions, I realised what I want and even maybe why I messed up my chances with special Mr B.

She said: “From the sounds of it you’re expecting ‘the one’ to fall right out of the sky into your lap. This very rarely happens and you are disappointed it’s not happening to you.”

She made me question who is this Mr Right I am looking for and, although I have a list of credentials for a man, maybe I should widen my horizons.

At the moment that certain somebody I have in my mind is just like special Mr B. But I know I shouldn’t be comparing future dates with him.

Also another trait I realise I have is I do get my hopes up far too early, expecting too much from a man when he may only want to test the water.

I mean just because I like someone and they have potential it doesn’t mean they feel the same about me.

I guess I have always been a romantic and love being swept off my feet but I’m beginning to wonder if this is ever going to happen again.

I realised over the last year there have been three potential boyfriends. I’m still in contact with two of them – but as friends, not what I wanted!

I told Deborah I feel that maybe, in the beginning, I text them more than I should. I love keeping in touch with people but maybe that pushed them away.

She asked me why I felt like that if no one had actually told me that.

It’s true. I don’t think I have ever asked any of them how I have come across to them but it’s just a feeling I get.

This week I am going to ask one old male friend how I come across and, while I’m on my date with Mr Great Dancer (from the festival), I will see how it goes and take my time.