Boy Meets Girl: Caught on the web

Nov 10 2008 Playing the dating game with Ed Saunt and Vicki Eltis

Ed writes: Most girls know I’m a professional dater. If they don’t, they’ll be sure to find out within exchanging two words to me when someone pipes up: "You do know you’re talking to the male Carrie Bradshaw don’t you?"

I’m pretty sure Carrie’s Sex and the City friends don’t blurt out to Mr Big that she’s only going to sleep with him to give her something to write about but everyone knows Americans are far more subtle and sophisticated than us English Neanderthals.

Sometimes though I do manage to get to first names without my shady background being discovered. And this leaves me with the dilemma of whether I will blow things by writing about the said encounter.

In the technological world of Facebook, HD TV and the George Forman grill, it is almost impossible to keep a secret. Whether it’s SMS or MMS, Blackberry or blueberry, Blue Ray or stingray, news now travels faster and more haphazardly than a game of Chinese whispers after six glasses of Pinot Grigio.

And I found this out to my peril at a party recently.

"You’re in someone’s bad books," an old friend told me in an mischievous way. I wasn’t sure if she was referring to my mother’s lingering annoyance that I opened the wrong milk that morning or if I was about to be party to some new information.

I had – it turned out – angered a mutual acquaintance by writing on these pages that, after finding out she had snubbed me, I had hoped she would fall down the stairs.

I didn’t really want her to fall but, through the magic of Facebook or Bebo or some other horrific social experiment, she had found this column and come to the conclusion that I did.

So, if you are reading Emily, I actually think you are nice, sure-footed person who makes good decisions about me. And I hope you spend some time surfing the intraweb this week.

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Vicki writes: Oh no! I got caught this week and it wasn’t what I was expecting.

After a great night out at Kempton Park Racecourse with ‘S’- but only as friends mind you, and my friends to celebrate fireworks night, I woke to a text message.

He’d written: "Morning… ‘S’ here…"

He went on to thank me for a fun evening and at first I thought he was being polite. Then I bolted upright in bed and froze!

It turned out he was at work and online looking for my email address when he came across this very column.

I felt terrible like I had deceived him.

I was worried he wouldn’t want to speak to me again, not because what I have written about him over the last four weeks but more likely for the fact I hadn’t even told him.

But how do you tell someone, who you actually like a lot, that they are being written about for all of, well potentially the world to see?

He soon made a joke of it though, ever the perfect gentleman, hey ‘S’? Saying the next installment should be interesting.

But now I have a huge dilemma!

He tells me he only wants to be just good friends. I only found that out a week ago and in theory I should stop writing about him. This is a dating column not a friendship one.

But now he can read it whenever he wants and will find out about my future dates, I don’t have a clue who they’d be, but still I feel like I am betraying him!

Guess I like him whole lot more than he realises. I’m cool with just being friends but I’m also dreading meeting other people in his place.

I did think I was onto a good thing but I suppose this is better than just jumping into things too quickly. I have been hurt in the past before for taking things too quickly and this is exactly the right approach, which love guidance coach Deborah Lane and I had discussed was bestfor me.