Boy Meets Girl: The end of the dream

Dec 10 2008 Playing the dating game with Ed Saunt and Vicki Eltis

Ed writes: The dream is over. Tears moisten the keyboard as I pick up my metaphorical quill for the last time – for this is my last dating column.

A journey it has certainly been – quite the clichéd rollercoaster ride – and, while I still haven’t found the love of my life, I have learned a hell of a lot.

So, here I bring you the Ed Saunt cut-out and keep guide to moderately unsuccessful dating:

1. Don’t eat chewy food on dates.

2. Actually, don’t eat food at all on dates.

3. Don’t go speed dating.

4. Check the age of girls you meet online before taking them to bars.

5. On the other hand, never date women who say they’re old enough to be your mother.

6. Spanish girls are amazing. So are Swedish girls. And Norwegians. And most other foreigners.

7. The most fun thing you can do in the world is write a girl a note.

8. The thing in the world least likely to lead you to a serious relationship is writing a girl a note.

9. Enthusiasm is the least attractive quality available.

10. Nasty women are best.

11. Hen nights should be avoided like syphilis.

12. Brothers know what you’re after more than sisters do.

13. The best girls hang around at music festivals.

14. Mysinglefriend.com is comfortably the best dating website out there.

15. And, most importantly of all, never ever upset witches. They can call you names.

Over the last 43 weeks I have dated until my body ached, I have tried everything but achieved virtually nothing. In fact I think I am probably the most incompetent serial dater to have walked this earth. It’s amazing that a man could learn so much and yet still know so little.

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Vicki writes: So Ed is leaving me and the dating scene. I think he’s having trouble finding his, you know, mojo.

But really this whole analysing the dating scene is so made for women.

Yes, we girls revel in gossiping to our friends about the weird and wonderful moments of our relationships/dating experiences/ ‘did-you-see-the-way-that-guy-looked-at-me moments.’

We are too well in tune with our emotions.

Ed’s done well to last this long! Although I must say he hasn’t really wanted to go on any dates lately.

So he’s leaving and that means the jokes from our colleagues about us two getting together will go! Oh well!

I did ponder hanging up my weekly diary too but decided not to give up.

If I give up now then a) I could miss meeting the man of my dreams, b) I’ve just signed up to a new dating website and I’m sure you want to know what happens! And c) well I won’t be able to over-analyse everything and put my thoughts down on paper.

Besides my best friend N is now newly single and it’s more fun dating in two’s. We are both looking forward to the Christmas dating season.

This column is not just been about the real dates, meeting new people and trying to keep in-sane. It‘s also about telling you, the readers, about my down-to-life approach to the dating world.

If I want to rant about someone like ‘S’ who did actually annoy me last week because he seems content in dictating to me how our so-called friendship should be, ie. on his terms. Then I can, oh and I will!

If you have any dating ideas or funny drunken moments please get in touch by emailing me at vickieltis@trinitysouth.co.uk

Maybe you have done something embarassing when drunk like contact an ex or trip over in front of the man of your dreams?

Talking about dates is fun but talking about men in general can be just as fun too.