Kelly Rose Bradford: Birthday party requires miltary-style planning

Mar 9 2009

We've reached another milestone. Another birthday came and went this week, as Boy turned six.

I can clearly remember being six – down to the birthday card my parents gave me – and the rising excitement I felt in the weeks and days leading up to it.

Unlike most kids' birthdays these days, mine weren't arranged like corporate events, with months of planning, military like organisation and three figure spending.

Generally, I didn't have parties, just one or two friends round to play and a birthday cake at tea time with the family. Which makes me realise just how much money I've wasted in the past six years on various – ridiculous – grand scale events for Boy.

His first birthday started with a ludicrous photographic session and ended with a party that he slept through. Useful note to all new parents: It is never right to allow your child to pose for photos in a plant pot or to don an artists palette and beret – especially when they are just 12 months old.

You will, eventually, be cringing at the sight of them. Especially if you buy the largest prints available, and all in triplicate.

His second birthday followed a similar vein – kicking off with a trip to the photographic studio – this time wedged in among piles of pretend antique books and then onto a bash in a hired hall complete with bouncy castle, bubble machine and ball pit. Overwhelmed, tetchy and tired he cried throughout most of it.

His third birthday was arranged with a fancy dress theme, again with a hired bouncy castle, ball pool and disco lights. A few days beforehand three of his friends went down with chicken pox and I cut his fringe two inches too short. His friends looked like plague victims and he looked like Dave Hill from Slade and the party was cancelled.

The fourth birthday party took on a pirate theme. Home baked galleon cake a week in the making (and much sobbing on my part). Ubiquitous bouncy castle. No tears. Happy guests. And with a final bill nearing an absurd £500, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Fifth was a ‘party package’ at a sports centre. Half the price of the previous years' and most of organisation taken out of my hands. All went well until one child nearly lost a tooth while ‘dancing’ into another, and a baby was sent flying by a small girl on a rope swing. Many tears, irate parents and a fast tracked ageing process for me. Vowed never again.

This year Boy wanted to go bowling with a small group of friends. Excellent, I thought. Relatively cheap, little effort required on my part, and all over in two hours. All I had to do was turn up, provide a cake and bung some sweets in a party bag.

What could possibly go wrong? I'll let you know next week...